What the Fuck! (There I said it)

You know...

That moment when all of your dreams are coming true, and you are freaking the fuck out. It is definitely a mind fuck to move yourself from one state of confusion, to a completely different mental space. I feel like I don't belong in this body. I feel like I am watching everything from afar and it is not making sense. 

I have Googled like crazy to figure out "What is wrong?". I think a little of everything is wrong. I think I don't believe in myself. I think I also look for validation outside of myself. Clearly my, "Hey, self good job!" self announcement is on the fritz. I can just Google 19art81, to see what I have done. 

This journey though.

Also, the fact that I am involving other people in it is really just mind blowing. I am so floored by the support. I guess in many ways I just never imagined my wildest dream coming true. I am currently peeking at it from a distance. I am inching closer. As the Speakeasy event draws closer I get more and more confused. That's totally normal! It is a new experience. Have you ever felt that way? I listen back to my interviews and I sound so collected. 

I know that inside I am like, "OMG, what are you saying?". It is like I am temporarily out of my body and a really cool representative shows up. Whoever she is, "Thanks, gurl!" Cause, dayum. 



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